Image by: dimitriwittmann
By Alvin Martin

There was a point in my life when I felt very disappointed with myself. The way I saw it, everyone I knew, my former classmates, colleagues and friends, were doing great in their life. Some of them were happily married, others had high-paying jobs, while the rest got to travel the world. All the while, there I was sitting at my office desk, dealing with same crap load every day. In my mind, I had failed myself because that wasn’t the life that I had dreamed of for so many years.

One day, while I was having a coffee break at work, I overheard two of my female colleagues talking about their personal lives. One asked the other, “Do you love yourself enough to leave him?” I think she was referring to to her boyfriend or husband.

The topic was interesting, however I didn’t want them to think that I was eavesdropping on their conversation, so I left immediately. But the question struck me. It made me realize that I never really loved myself enough to appreciate the things I have accomplished and to be grateful for all the things I have. I have also come to understand that failure was all in my head. I gave it power to affect me.

Guys, the thing with failure is that you get to decide how you want it to define you. And that one simple question that I asked myself helped me find my way back to the battlefield of life and continue fighting.

So, to help you embrace your failures and put things into perspective, here are some questions you may want to ask yourself.

Why Did You Fail?

To put failure in the right perspective, use it as your guide to identify where you fall short and what you need to become better. Instead of beating yourself up or blaming others, acknowledge your weaknesses and build up your strengths.

Identify your shortcomings and do something about them so that next time you encounter the same problem, you are able to deal with it better. Also, evaluate your positive attributes and never stop improving your skills and abilities.

In the piece “7 Ways Mentally Strong People Bounce Back,” writer Amy Morin explains the importance of taking your failures as an opportunity to spot your weaknesses, sharpen your skills and be better at what you do.

So, rather than being upset, be aware of your mistakes, look for areas to improve upon,  and develop strategies to become a better you.

What Goes Through Your Mind When You Fail?

Watch your internal dialogue, or the things you tell yourself every time you experience defeat.

Rather than beating yourself up, be thankful for the things that you have learned and for the opportunity to discover your strengths. By doing this, you are not only building your confidence, but also finding courage to stand up and face the world again.

And to help you improve on pep talks and make them more effective, writer Mark Denicola suggests setting aside at least 10 minutes a day to practice incantations.

As defined by the writer, in a non-magical sense, incantations are positive statements that you tell yourself with the intention of fully believing and embodying them. By yelling to yourself, you can lessen feelings of self-consciousness and initiate a mental shift that can help you become a greater version of yourself.

What Did You Learn?

Whenever you overcome a big setback in your life, you don’t dwell on the idea of failure. You always move forward. However, this is not to say that you should get up back right away as if nothing happened. Of course, it’s okay to give yourself some time to feel the moment and mourn.

My friend Red recently broke up with his girlfriend for cheating on him. For 3 years, he made her the center of his life. And though she hurt him, it wasn’t easy for Red to leave her.

Learning is a process, as is dealing with your emotions, or in Red’s case, failed relationships, which can be very painful and soul-destroying. So, it’s okay to grieve, but set a time limit. After that, congratulate yourself, reframe how you feel towards your heartbreak, understand the lessons and take it to heart so you know the things that you should do differently moving forward.

What Do You Want to Do & Where Do You Want to Be?

Sometimes, it takes failure and introspection to realize what you want to do and where you want to go. So, before you take off and continue your journey, you should define yourself and your goals. Know what you want to accomplish. Think about your values and interests before making any decisions that will shape your future.

In this video, Brand Strategist Ryan Erskine shares how he overcame anxiety and deep depression by confronting everything that he was avoiding for years, taking steps to better himself and setting goals to improve his life.

In my opinion, creating meaningful goals is absolutely critical in picking yourself up and getting motivated once again.

Guys, in this life, it’s not enough to just survive because if you don’t change anything about your mindset, if you don’t level up your game and if you just keep on doing the same old habits and committing the same mistakes, sooner or later you’ll face another failure again. It’s best to pull yourself together, understand what went wrong and then rise from the ashes and come back stronger.